His Lordship Weighs In | Ebook

His Lordship Weighs In
Scene #1: It's On

The snow glinted off the North Shore mountains, a perfect day for spring skiing. When was the last time I had the chance to do that? Feel the wind on my face, the sound of snow crunching under foot and my mind free of everything except the exhilaration of flying down that run?

Miles snapped his fingers. “Did you hear me?”

Sighing, I turned around away from my view and back to the reality of my office that some days felt more like a prison. “Yeah. Shut her down.”

“How far are we taking this? She used your credit card.”

I bet she did. Ashira Cohen had made it her life’s mission to rile me up at every opportunity. “It would serve her right to haul her ass in on fraud charges.”

Miles crossed his arms, the motion causing the leather sofa to creak. “Except we both know you won’t, because that would mean giving up this twisted whatever-the-fuck-it-is that you two are permanently stuck in. You aren’t thirteen anymore, Levi. Are you really that hard up for thrills? You do remember who you are, right?”

I gave a soft laugh. “Hard to forget. Deactivate the account. I’ll email her. Ash bends a lot of laws but flagrantly engaging in fraud is out of character. There’s been no harm to our community, so she gets one chance to explain herself.”

Grumbling, Miles left.

I pulled up my mail program and began to compose my response. It took three drafts to achieve the perfect wording.

Dear Ms. Cohen,

It is truly an honor and a delight that you, a private investigator of some renown, take such an interest in our House database that you created a platinum-level profile to mine our resources. While getting hold of my credit card number to pay for the aforementioned account (Hello, Priya) was a nice touch, that constitutes fraud and theft and you have been shut down.

Out of respect for our longtime acquaintance, and the fact that it’s no fun trampling on the little people, I am generously willing to put aside all thoughts of prosecution. Should you wish to actually pay me, and may I clarify I mean in legal tender, not IOUs, eggs, or sexual favors, none of which hold any appeal, House Pacifica will, of course, be happy to review your application for a legitimate account.

Sincerely,
Levi Montefiore
Head, House Pacifica

This was going to drive her batshit. Grinning, I hit send. Ma vaffanculo, Miles was right.

If this email was the highlight of my day, I needed to get a life. I glanced at the time. Another few hours and then it was over to the gala at the aquarium. Yet another Friday night doing something because it was expected as House Head. Fun was a scarcity in my world.

I rolled up my shirtsleeves. Work beckoned.

As always.

The afternoon went by in a blur. Before shutting down for the night, I checked my email one last time to find that Ash had responded.

Dear Exalted Leader, (not mine thankfully)

Allow me to refresh your memory about the cocktail night fundraiser at Science World shortly after New Year’s that I was unfortunate enough to see you at. It’s hardly my fault that you have both an ugly competitive side and a shit throw and failed to beat me at the water ball toss. Owing me exactly $1537, you handed me your credit card and loftily told me to “go nuts and drink my boozy heart out.”

You always did have such a way with words, Mr. Montefiore. If you would care to check your credit card statement and your memory, you would recall that I never purchased said drinks. Instead, I told you that I wanted access to the House database and while you smirked like the condescending ass that you are, you did not specifically say no.

Thus, I transferred the balance of $1537 owed to me into setting up top-tier access to House Pacifica records, the total of which was $1200 for the year.

Please reinstate my account and remit the difference of $337 immediately to my office address. Interest will accrue on any outstanding amounts over thirty days.

Sincerely,
Ashira Cohen

I hit delete. The unmitigated gall of that woman. I fired off a text to Miles. Block all access to House records for A.C. Permanently.

But damn, if I didn’t half-grin at the laptop when I left.

You will receive the download link by email from our delivery partner, BookFunnel. Please allow a few minutes to arrive.

Yes! You can read the ebooks on any ereader (Amazon Kindle, Kobo, Nook), your tablet, phone, computer, and/or in the free Bookfunnel app.

The download link in your confirmation email will allow you to choose your favourite reading device.