How to Deal With Difficult Characters in Your Urban Fantasy Novel

Dear characters,

I'm sorry I threw you off a cliff yesterday. If it's any consolation, it hurt me a lot more than it hurt you. I mean, I revised the scene 3 times to get your deaths painfully satisfying. That takes time, you know. I realize however, that I should have used my words to work through my anger.

Words like annoying. Lazy. Stubborn. All talk no action. Which, yes, is a phrase but still applicable.

My God, your interior monologue was killing me. Whine whine whine. Do something resembling anything. How can you stand to listen to yourself anymore? Gah, you deserve each other.

takes deep breath Again, sorry. That outburst was inappropriate.

Although, while we're on that topic, you know what else is inappropriate? Your attitude. My story is supposed to be a funny, sexy urban fantasy, you mopey bastards. Lately you've failed spectacularly to grasp that simple fact.

Would a hint of wit or levity have killed you? No. No, it would not. You would still be alive, safe and sound to continue on your merry way if you had just given me a freaking inch.

But you did not. No. It's too late for apologies. You're dead now.

And yeah, sure I'll resurrect you tomorrow. Probably. Because the thought of starting with all new characters ends with me as the lead on the 11PM news and not in a "hey look who won the lottery" way.

I will use the miracle of the undo function to reset you. But then we're going to have a serious talk about where you both went so wrong. I'm through messing around, kiddies. Piss me off one more time and you bite it.

Permanently.

Mama is a cruel and capricious goddess.

Love,

Your Creator, deb xo

***Thanks for coming to my TED Talk on homicidal authoring. If you're also currently beefing with your fictional characters, solidarity. If you're one of my readers wondering why your fave just got stabbed in the face with a magical pitchfork… now you know.

Stay tuned. Resurrections are pending. Probably.

💀 Want more magical mayhem, snark, and dangerously sexy characters? Check out my urban fantasy series here.